It is sad but today, to my shame, I will bare my ignorance. In my defense, this ignorance is shared by much of the world’s population.

I am talking about that section of the world’s population that does not reside within the borders of the United States. Perhaps admitting my ignorance will highlight the plight of many; those who live in shame because they just do not get the Super Bowl and are afraid to say so. So what is the Super Bowl?

This peculiar institution occurs annually. Last week’s version was the 49th incarnation of this institution. Super Bowl is two words as I recently learned. Not one word. Last week was Super Bowl XLIX. By the way, I had trouble with that Roman numeral. I don’t know why it is not just Super Bowl 49. In this day and age, it should be criminal to use any Roman numeral greater than 10 in official usage. It took me several minutes of Googling before I figured XLIX is 49. Everything online was Super Bowl XLIX.

I did not watch Super Bowl XLIX. Actually that is not completely true. I did catch the singing of the U.S. national anthem. That part I enjoyed. I did not recognize this year’s singer but it actually turns out it was Princess Elsa – as in “Frozen”. Her real name is Idina Menzel and I thought she did fine. I believe that was the entirety of my viewing experience.

Less than five minutes and no actual football did I see. It was only later that I was told the New England Patriots triumphed over the Seattle Seahawks.

I don’t understand football. I don’t get the lingo. A plethora of vocabulary words such as tackle, touchdown, linebacker and quarterback just float over my head. It seems once in a while the guys in the field are supposed to run with the ball in their hands.

Usually the guy with the ball doesn’t get very far. There are a group of manly men from the opposing team whose sole intent is to stop him. The game consists of lots of wrestling matches in the field, and once in a while someone manages get to free and run across the field.

Soon after, I usually hear the word “touchdown” shouted.

From the excitement, jumping up and down and the shouts, I have gathered that this is supposed to be a good thing. This is my understanding of football.

So that’s my first reason for not watching the Super Bowl last week.

Another is that there is something that really grinds my gears about American sports: commercials during the game. If football and especially the Super Bowl is such a sacred institution how can you embed such crass commercialism within the match? I just don’t get it. Touchdown and let’s skip to the GEICO commercial. A tackle and by the way here is Maxwell the Pig with “15 minutes could save you 15 percent or more on car insurance.”

It would be sacrilegious to air an ad during a World Cup match. In fact, the only time commercials are aired is before and after the game. There are advertisements during half time break but never any when the ball has just been kicked out of the field.

The ads have two functions. Since most Americans are easily distracted, it is the perfect opportunity for corporate America to make sacrifices to the god Mammon at the altar of the Super Bowl.

Super Bowls are another form of dancing cats on YouTube.

Funny thing, at least from an outsider’s perspective, is the interesting things about the Super Bowl are the drama surrounding it. The drama that usually has nothing to do with the action on the field. The first time I ever heard of the Super Bowl was in 2004. I think there was a lot of hullabaloo about a certain wardrobe malfunction involving one Janet Jackson and some guy called Justin Timberlake.

Lest anyone accuse me of not taking the initiative to correct my ignorance of football, I will say in my defense that I have actually watched a whole football game. I once sat with a friend who provided running commentary for a live match and I was able to interrogate him on certain aspects of the game.

That lesson was to no avail. Everything that entered one ear swiftly exited through the other ear. It either proves that I am not interested in the game like the rest of the world. Or, I don’t have enough between my ears to appreciate the subtle intricacies and complexities that make the Super Bowl such a dominant institution in the American landscape.